Today, dear reader, a note from the world of sport. I reference my beloved Vanderbilt University Commodore football program, which stands 4 and 0 for roughly the first time since Sparta knocked off Athens.

 In past seasons, the brave Commodore lads, who tended to be rather bookish and to affect the physique of Harry Potter,  were nonetheless clever and resourceful, and would give the competition a good go, so long as their glasses didn’t fog up in the end zone. Too often though, they would yield in the end to superior muscle.

 On the morrow, the Vandy squad is due to engage with the Auburn University Goliaths- a highly ranked bunch from the plains of South Alabam’ known more for brawn than subtlety. In fairness, Auburn recently achieved some academic notoriety by inking a new deal with Hooked on Phonics (as distinct from the University of Tennessee, where they “crayoned” a new deal). The contest will be televised around the world at 4 P.M. Mountain time.

 The Auburn offensive coordinator recently expressed some dismay with his cohort. This is a direct quote:

Franklin said the biggest problem was snap-count errors that have caused several false-start penalties. "We still struggle with the snap count," he said. "We only have one, so it shouldn't be that difficult to learn. But we struggle with it for some reason."

I have it on good authority that this edition of the Commodore side are tucking into their rations and are much stouter, and are willing to get down in the muck and mix it up with their adversaries. Apparently the lads are no longer required to dine in the University dining hall. Still, the massive Auburn side figures to have a tremendous weight advantage, and that’s just at the pre-game tailgating.  

 The Vandy eleven, burbling with confidence, will be lead to the gridiron by their coach, that hilarious fellow from the Disney pictures with the 12 or so children. I keep expecting him to jog to the sideline wearing an arrow through his head.

However, it is imperative that the boys have every advantage when they gird up for the contest. Thus, I dare to impose upon you, dear reader, for just a moment. If you would, right now, just place one hand on your computer/blackberry/iphone, and raise your other hand to the sky, and sing along with the following refrain:

Dynamite, Dynamite
When VANDY starts to fight.
Down the field with blood to yield,
If need be, save the shield.
If vict'ry's won, when battle's done,
Then VANDY's name will rise in fame.
But, Win or lose,
The Fates will choose,
And VANDY's game will be the same.
Dynamite, Dynamite
When VANDY starts to fight!
Fight!

Thank you.  

 Coming Monday: Rap Stars for Obama